Friday, July 30, 2010

Don't Speak

Well, I didn't get a call that I was looking forward to this week. That means I need to keep looking. I actually talked with someone on the phone today about a job opening and I'm at the point where I'm afraid to say anything. I can no longer formulate words or ideas. I feel like I might say something wrong. I get really nervous, like the first day of speech class. Instead of progressing I'm regressing. I'm shutting down fast and its scary. One more full day until I'm homeless.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Truth

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin our descent into Los Angeles. The sound you just heard is the landing gear locking into place. Los Angeles weather is clear; temperature is 72. We expect to make our 4 hour and 18 minute flight on schedule. We have enjoyed having you on board, and look forward to seeing you again in the near future. "

The truth about being unemployed since April 15, 2010 - It is now July 27, 2010 and have run out of money. (lay off) While I'm still getting unemployment money the truth is - come August 1, I will officially be homeless. Seeking refuge with some friends for a while - until something comes up. I'm now applying for jobs as if I were a teenager again. Yeah, the cardboard hats and fat vats aren't looking as bad as they did a month ago. (What would Sue Ellen Crandell do?!) While I know I won't be as homeless as the men under the bridge, I am now unable to sustain my individual lifestyle. I can always visit my parents if I need to, but I am really hoping that won't happen.

Friends have told me "maybe its a good thing" to go back home with my parents... etc. etc. I see no advantage being there. I am in control and refuse to give up. Today, however, I felt bad.

Being 27 years old mind you - I felt tired, sad, unwanted, useless and upset... first time I felt like giving up. I found it unsettling that a 27 year old college graduate felt like giving up.

For the many MANY unemployed people out there - I can only hope it will get better for us all.

Mr. Braddock: Ben, what are you doing?
Benjamin: Well, I would say that I'm just drifting. Here in the pool.
Mr. Braddock: Why?
Benjamin: Well, it's very comfortable just to drift here.
Mr. Braddock: Have you thought about graduate school?
Benjamin: No.
Mr. Braddock: Would you mind telling me then what those four years of college were for? What was the point of all that hard work?
Benjamin: You got me.